she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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