I think I won the penis lottery.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
