i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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