Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
