I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
