Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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