we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize