Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
