Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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