just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Randomize
