i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
