Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
