you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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