Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
