she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
