HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
