Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I love you. Go after that dick
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
