I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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