went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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