so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
