Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
