I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
