Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
this boner is exhausting
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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