Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
