I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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