Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
