I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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