New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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