The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
