Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
