just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I look better un-naked...
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
