An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
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