and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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