Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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