i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
