I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
