I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
