she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
