dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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