the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize