Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
