This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
