Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
