they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
