Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
