I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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