I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize