You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
