She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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