You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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