i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
