im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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