In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
