Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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