im about as happy as oj after his trial
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
