Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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