Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
