Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
