Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
