Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
We got so high we made milksteak
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
