if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I've blown a few things in my day
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
