ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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