I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I think my moral compass just broke
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
