lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
