When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
