oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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