The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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