This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
