seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
