im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
