god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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