I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
