we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
