Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
