This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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