this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
