Quick, to the slutcave!
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
