I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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