i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
