We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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