I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
