Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
