Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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