i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
