so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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