lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
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