there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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