i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
