Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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